


We’ll Survive Together

by BuffyAndBetty



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sweet Pea and Fangs are Good Humans, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, Trauma Recovery, Unconditional Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuffyAndBetty/pseuds/BuffyAndBetty
Summary: A continuation Cheryl and Toni's conversation in season 4, episode 12, the episode when Nick St. Clair comes back and all they do is tickle him. (Inert "rolls eyes" emoji here.)This is how I imagine the conversation would have gone if the writers' wanted to give it some space, which clearly they didn't.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	We’ll Survive Together

**Author's Note:**

> IMHO, the writers insulted Choni during that scene where Cheryl told Toni that Nick tried to assault her and Toni told Cheryl something similar had happened to her — like Cheryl wouldn’t ask any follow up questions; for example, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
> 
> So I left that scene as it was (with just a couple of snarky interjections) and then added a next day conversation where they could start to unpack their trauma together. Like they would have if this show gave a shit about them … and especially about Toni. That scene lasted barely more than a minute — how are you going to have two women who love each other talk about the traumas they experienced in a minute? I get that they're not main characters and it wasn't a main story-line, but some stories need a little more room.
> 
> I actually think they only had Nick show up because they were going to have Donna lie about being groomed by a teacher and they were like, “we can’t have a woman lying about rape without showing that some women aren’t lying about rape. Because #metoo!”
> 
> I started this story at the time, but I didn’t come back to it until today.

Toni found Cheryl lying in bed, “Babe? What happened to you today? You ghosted me.”

Cheryl fought tears. She hadn’t told Toni about Nick St. Clair. She thought she was over it — thought she was past the feelings of helplessness, of shame, of fear. “Do you remember that Patrick-Bateman-type from earlier today at the Maple Club?”

“You mean, Nick St. Clair?”

Cheryl sighed before she continued. “Sophomore year,” Cheryl’s voice shook. “Nick came to Riverdale one weekend looking for a party. He … spiked my champagne, and … coaxed me back to his room at the Five Seasons, where … he attempted to assault me.”

“What!?” Toni exclaimed, but Cheryl continued.

“Thankfully, Veronica and Josie and the Pussycats came to my rescue. I thought I'd worked through it. Emotionally. But seeing him today, it …"

“Triggered you.” Toni interjected and Cheryl nodded. Toni was quiet, but her heart was racing. “I get it. A similar experience happened to me before I moved to Riverdale.”

“Oh, TT. I'm so sorry,” Cheryl said sincerely. But since this scene wasn’t about Toni, she asked, “What did you do? How did you cope?”

“It took me a while, but, with a lot of help, I worked through it.” Toni answered, vaguely, as Cheryl whimpered. “And, babe, I wanna help you get there too.”

The next morning, Toni and Cheryl ate breakfast, drank coffee, and smiled sweetly at each other. They went to school and then came home and acted like everything was normal, with Cheryl putting on an impromptu fashion show with way more pleather than Toni knew she had. 

“Hey, babe?” Toni interrupted as Cheryl zipped up a pair of knee-high red boots. “How are you feeling after Nick St. Monster showed up last night?”

Cheryl faltered with the zipper, regained her composure, and turned away. “Fine,” she said, heading back into the walk-in closet. “Fine, of course. I’m not going to let that fiend get me down.”

Toni sat at the edge of the bed waiting for Cheryl, who swept back into the room wearing a feather-lined red satin robe. “Y’know, it’s okay if you’re not fine,” Toni said, trying to catch Cheryl’s eye before Cheryl looked away. “It’s okay if you’re angry. Or hurt. Or whatever else it is you’re feeling. It’s all okay.”

Cheryl let out a breath, something between a laugh and a sigh. “Mostly I feel embarrassed.”

“Why would you feel embarrassed with me?” Toni asked.

“It’s not that.” Cheryl crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Toni, still looking down. “I feel embarrassed that I still care. I feel embarrassed that I can’t handle my shit. And mostly I feel embarrassed that I put myself in that position in the first place.”

Toni grabbed her hand. “That wasn’t your fault. That dude is an asshole. He drugged your drink. He—“

“He only drugged my drink because I was practically throwing myself at him … I was so impressed that he was from New York … that he was worldly, or whatever. I flirted with him.”

“Babe, he didn’t try to rape you because you flirted with him. If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because for guys like him, it’s not about the person, it’s about the act.” Toni took a deep breath and continued. “I told you that something similar happened to me before I came to Riverdale.” Cheryl looked up, her big eyes glistening with tears. “I was twelve. I was a kid at a party with other kids and we were all pretending not to be kids. We were drinking. Smoking pot. I got kind of fucked up. And this guy that I was friends with … best friends with, actually … took me to his mom’s bedroom. He said I could lie down … sleep it off until I felt better. That he would ‘watch over me.’” Toni wiped a tear off her cheek. “So I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. I don’t know if I fell asleep or what, but the next thing I knew he was on top of me. This _friend_.” She practically spit the word out. “He was kissing me and he had his hands all over me.” She took another deep breath. “I kept saying, ‘Stop, you’re my friend. Stop, you’re my best friend!’ But he wouldn’t stop. And I was too fucked up to even move.”

Toni paused. “What happened?” Cheryl asked.

“I couldn’t fight, but I could scream. Eventually I’d yelled “Stop” loud enough and long enough that some other guys came in and they told him to get the fuck off of me. And he did.” Toni paused. “He actually said, ‘I was only trying to talk to her,’ and they said, ‘you don’t have to be on top of her to talk to her.’ And they grabbed my hands and dragged me back to the living room and I dozed on the couch. When I woke up, when I sobered up, I just left.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Cheryl whispered. “Did you press charges?”

Toni scoffed, “Honestly, that never even occurred to me.” She looked up. “The next day I told a couple of my friends what happened, and they acted like it was no big deal, so I thought it wasn’t. I shrugged it off.” She laughed sardonically. “I even stayed friends with the guy until we moved … I just made sure to never be alone with him again. I didn’t trust him anymore.”

“Toni, I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t know me back then,” Toni continued as if she hadn’t really heard Cheryl. “I was young and dumb and curious about sex and what boys and girls and girls and girls do to each other to feel good. I wasn’t having sex, but I was — how would Nana Rose say it? — into some _heavy petting_.” Cheryl quirked an eyebrow and Toni laughed before turning serious again. “I think I didn’t understand that what he did was wrong because part of me thought I deserved it. Or maybe not that I _deserved_ it, but that it was what was expected of me. Like, we’d kissed a few weeks before that and I knew he had a thing for me, so if he wanted to … touch me … it was his right to do so.”

“But you were telling him to get off of you,” Cheryl interjected.

“I know. I told him to stop — hell, I _begged_ for him to stop — and he didn’t care. Still, by the next day it felt like it was all my fault. Like I shouldn’t have gone over. Like I shouldn’t have gotten so fucked up … shouldn’t have been alone with him.” She shook her head, sadly. “Like I should have known better.”

“That’s crazy, TT,” Cheryl said, grabbing Toni’s hand and stroking it.

Toni smiled lightly. “It was years ago, but it still affects me. I wouldn’t say I think of it everyday, or even every week, but once I realized how fucked up it was … how it shouldn’t have happened … stuff would trigger me, just like you got triggered last night …”

Cheryl remained quiet, waiting for Toni to continue her story.

“Last year I was at Fangs’s trailer, sneaking beers with him and Sweet Pea. Fangs found some of his brother’s stash and they started to smoke a bowl. They handed it to me and I was just about to hit it when I had this visceral memory of Jeff — that was his name — on top of me. 

“I must have scared the shit out of the boys because I jumped off the couch yelling, ‘Stop!’ at the top of my lungs. Seriously, I must have traumatized them,” Toni laughed. “They got up and were like, ‘Toni, Toni,’ in this gentle, let’s-not-scare-away-this-stray, kind of voice. But when they were walking toward me I just got more and more freaked out. I kept backing up until my back hit the kitchen counter. I was hyperventilating, shaking, getting ash from that bowl everywhere.” Toni wasn’t laughing anymore. “They didn’t know what to do; they just stood there, staring at me.

“After a few seconds, I calmed down, realized where I was, who I was with. That it was Sweet Pea and Fangs, not Jeff. But then I was thinking, _How can I trust them? I couldn’t trust Jeff — how can I trust these guys who were supposed to be my friends?_ ” Toni paused. “Honestly, I feel lucky that those guys who rescued me at that party didn’t decide to join in. After all the shit I’ve heard?” She put a hand over her mouth like she was trying not to be sick. “Anyway, I thought I was making the same mistake — getting fucked up with these guys who were supposed to be my friends but who could overpower me at any second.

“I apologized and started to get my stuff to leave, but they wouldn’t let me.” Cheryl looked alarmed. “No,” Toni shook her head. “Not in a physical way. They just asked me to stay, asked me what happened. They were begging me to tell them what was wrong and Sweet Pea touched my arm — just touched it, gently, while I was frantically looking for my left shoe — and I almost punched him in the face. I caught myself and I looked at him — he looked so worried, so scared for me. Him and Fangs … they looked like they really loved me, y’know? Like they cared that I was hurting.

“So I finally calmed down. I sat back down on the couch and I told them about that middle school party. It was the first time I’d told anyone since the day after it happened. I thought I was going to puke.

“They were so pale — Sweet Pea and Fangs — they were so upset for me. I swear they cried a little.” Toni wiped another tear. “And I tried to say that it wasn’t a big deal. That nothing really happened. It’s not like he _raped_ me …”

“Sounds right,” Cheryl said quietly, thinking of her mom’s response.

“But they were like, ‘Of course it’s a big deal. That motherfucker hurt you. You trusted him and he took advantage of that.’ I tried to brush it off, even though I’d just had a panic attack right in front of them, but they wouldn’t have it. 

“We talked all night. About a lot of shit. They’ve had fucked up things happen to them too — poor kid problems, I guess. But they helped me finally realize that it wasn’t my fault. I should be able to drink and smoke pot and be alone with a friend and _not_ have him hold me down and grope me. 

"But that was years later. At the time, I didn’t get it,” she sighed. “I didn’t get that I’m the only one who gets to say what happens to my body. Just like _you_ are the only one who gets a say in what happens to _your_ body.”

Cheryl looked down at their intertwined hands. “I hear you, Toni. I really do. It just … feels different somehow.”

“Of course it does, Cher,” she squeezed Cheryl’s hand. “Because you don’t love yourself the way you love me. You can’t see that it wasn’t your fault, just like it wasn’t my fault.”

Cheryl began to cry. “You were a kid, Toni. I’m not. I should know better.”

“Bullshit,” Toni retorted, grabbing Cheryl’s other hand tightly. She pulled Cheryl’s hands to her lips and kissed them. “What if this were reversed? What if I’d been flirting with Nick and he’d drugged me and tried to rape me? What would you say then? Would it be my fault?”

“No,” Cheryl sobbed. “It’s just —“

Cheryl dissolved into tears. She squeezed Toni’s hands tightly as if they were tethering her to the room, as if without them she’d just implode. 

“It’s just what, babe?” Toni asked quietly.

“If it’s not my fault,” Cheryl cried. “How can I stop it from happening again? If it’s out of my control — if it’s nothing I _did_ — how can I ever be safe?”

Toni pulled Cheryl into an embrace and hugged her tightly, letting her cry into her shoulder.

“I don’t know, Cher,” she said after a while. “I wish I could tell you that it’ll never happen again. I wish I could say that you’re safe — that we’re both safe from all the controlling, entitled men of the world.” She took a deep breath into Cheryl’s hair, trying to find a way to comfort her — trying to think of the right words, the words that would make this all okay.

“All I know,” she finally continued. “Is I have your back … and I know you have mine.”

Cheryl pulled back and looked into Toni’s eyes. “Of course I do, TT.”

Toni stroked Cheryl’s cheek. “And we’ll take care of each other and look out for each other. And hopefully that will be enough to keep us safe. But if it’s not,” Toni let out a sob. “If it’s not, I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me and we’ll get through it together. We’ll survive together. Never doubt that.”

Cheryl buried her face into Toni’s shoulder again, wrapping Toni’s hair into her fingers. “I love you, TT,” she finally said. 

“I love you, too, Cheryl Blossom,” Toni breathed, pulling Cheryl into a long, loving kiss.


End file.
